Getting to "I Do" Author: Visit Amazon's Patricia Allen Page | Language: English | ISBN:
0688112986 | Format: EPUB
Getting to "I Do" Description
From Publishers Weekly
Women may blame men for impermanent romances, but the problem often lies with themselves, according to Allen, a Los Angeles psychotherapist who leads relationship seminars, and Harmon, a screenwriter and "instant convert" to her coauthor's techniques. To encourage a lasting commitment from a man, women are advised here to decide whether playing the masculine or femine role in a relationship suits them best. "Feminine" women should seek "masculine" men who will cherish their feelings and lead the courtship, even if the woman has a more powerful career. Conversely, "masculine" women should seek "feminine" men who will take a subordinate role. A "masculine" woman should be the aggressor; a "feminine" woman should wait to be asked for a date. Case histories abound and a question-and-answer section is included in this how-to guide that underestimates human complexity.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
"Just what cupid ordered!" --
-- Beverly Hills Today"Move over, Dr. Ruth!" --
-- Los Angeles Magazine"The woman's movement brought us independence, but it did not bring us love." --
-- Dr. Patricia Allen --This text refers to the
Paperback
edition.
- Hardcover: 272 pages
- Publisher: William Morrow & Co; 1st edition (February 1, 1994)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0688112986
- ISBN-13: 978-0688112981
- Product Dimensions: 1 x 6.5 x 9.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
I'm what you call a serial monogamist. I have always had boyfriends. Some for a year, two years, etc. I have a great social life, I am successful and very attractive. I have never had a problem meeting, dating or having long and honest relationships with men. But, something happened in my late 20's. There I was, 27, single (for a minute), living in New York, working in the fashion industry and my clock went off-I wanted to find a partner for life, I wanted to find my husband. Now, this was very different than having a boyfriend, this was the big leagues. I didn't have any clue how I needed to go about this.
"Getting to I Do" catalogued various relationship scenarios, where the authors pointed out what worked and what didn't. I have to be honest, being a self-supportive "modern woman", I at first thought that the simplistic illustrations of male/female dynamics were really old-fashioned and that I might as well just talk it out with my grandmother. But, the book went way beyond just designating roles. For me it helped me to embrace the woman I was and to understand the relationship dynamic I wanted to have.
The book is terrific. I read it and applied it to my next relationship-someone I fell in love with and wanted to marry. I went through the "phases" as stated in the book and when it got down to the "negotiation" phase, my boyfriend wanted to move to France, with me. Great! But, not without an engagement. Turns out he was not ready to be married. It was a very painful to think about being without him. To have my dreams of being married to him dissolve. Fortunaltely, I had learned that I would be putting myself through so much more pain and anguish if I had up-rooted my life without any commitment other than being a great boyfriend. So, I let him go.
I usually totally despise self-help books of the 'how to get a man and keep him' type, but this one, although like most self-help books pretty silly, does contain some quite sensible advice.
Dr. Allen's theory is that everyone is either a 'feminine energy' person or a 'masculine energy' person. The masculine eneergy personis the leader who cherishes his mate, the feminine energy person is the follower who respects her leader. Dr. Allen doesn't think it matters whether the man or the woman is the leader or the follower (this makes her more flexible than the authors of most such books), but she maintains that you must have one of each, she doesn't think 'equal' relationships can work.
If you decided to be the 'feminine energy' woman (as she thinks most women will probably want to be) you let the man make the running, make the decisions (so long as they are not unethical, immoral, or something that can harm you or your children), and accept what he gives you graciously (that includes accepting things you might not particularly care for, like unwanted advice). You always give back less than you take, because a feminine energy woman must love herself more than her man.
One of her theories is that men want to marry virtupous women, so you must not sleep with a man until he has 'committed' to you, if you want to marry him. I don't know how true this is generally, but it certainly wasn't true in my own case, I slept with all the men I went out with before they'd 'committed' to me, but nevertheless some of them did want to marry me.
The part of this book I enjoyed the most is the chapter called 'Finding the Toad in every Prince' in which she describes how you cope when you discover the things about your prospective mate that you don't like.
Getting to "I Do" Preview
Link
Please Wait...